Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
