I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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