Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
