you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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