The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
