Who wears a wallet chain?!
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
