Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
