im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
