Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
