Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
