I think i peed on brittanys purse
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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