It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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