Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize