Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
babies were throwing up all over the place
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
