You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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