3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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