that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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