Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
