maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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