found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize