Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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