she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
