she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
