I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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