I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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