He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
