Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize