i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
