she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
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