this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
