and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
