you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
