And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize