well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
