did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
