I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
