I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
