he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
