Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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