last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize