The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
