fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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