she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
