In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
