I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
His hands were made for my vagina.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
