Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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