____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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