dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
