i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
