i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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