You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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