I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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