I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
