I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
