While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
