she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
