After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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