Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
