Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
