The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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