Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
