I think im going to throw up on grandma
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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