Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
