chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
