My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize