I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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